How to change your relationship with fear
Are you tired of talking yourself out of what you want?
I see a lot of women who are ready to take the next step in their career, but are afraid that if they put their hand up for the bigger role, they might not get it or, worse, they might get it and not be able to do the job.
They tell themselves: I don’t have the right skill set or enough leadership experience, or I am not known enough across the organization – or if I deserved the role, they would offer it to me.
Sound familiar?
Why do we do this?
Because when we think about putting ourselves out there and doing something new, we are going to feel fear. Change is scary.
And being afraid that we are not good enough does not make us imposters or unqualified. It simply makes us human.
But what if we decided we were going to change our relationship with fear? What if we started seeing it as a guide to helping us become calmer and more self-assured?
What would this look like?
When I coach my clients through their fears, here’s a process I suggest:
Step 1: Start by making a list of the times you did something that scared you but that also had a positive outcome (i.e. changed jobs, left a relationship, moved to a new city, went back to school). The more examples you can think of, the more you will see that you already know how to push through fear to achieve your goals – and come out the other side better off. This will diminish your fears’ hold on you.
Step 2: Then ask yourself: what’s one thing I can do to step into a fear I have right now? What about booking a meeting with your boss to talk about your career goals or reaching out to a recruiter on LinkedIn? Every step you take towards confronting a fear will make it easier to do it again – and every success will build your confidence in yourself and your path.
Step 3: As you get more comfortable with your fears, I encourage you to dig deeper. In my experience, fears are clues to what you really care about. For instance, if asking for a raise is making you queasy, this is likely because you feel you are not being paid what you are worth. Use this to motivate you to gather competitive salary information and practice your pitch so your boss has to say “yes.” Soon, you’ll begin to trust that your fears have your best interests at heart.
Are you letting your fears stand in the way of what’s next for you? Book an exploratory session with me here