This one practice will transform your career
And the good news is you already know how to do it
Chances are if you are reading this article, you want more from your career – more development, more advancement and more fulfillment.
But you may also be feeling like things are not moving as quickly as you would like. You may even be a little stuck.
Perhaps you’ve been thinking you aren’t as qualified as some of your peers, given they are the ones getting promoted. Or you are beating yourself up for not going to the right schools or following the right career path.
Or you might be telling yourself that you’re simply not ready and that you’ve got to build more skills and expertise to be seriously considered for that next-level role.
What if I told you that there’s a simple practice you can do, starting today, that could help you get what you want in 2023?
That practice is self-compassion.
Self-compassion is defined as giving yourself the same compassion you'd give others. It is the practice of being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or punishing ourselves with self-criticism.
Compassion is something we naturally offer to others but not to ourselves.
In fact, research by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, shows that 86 percent of women are kinder and more compassionate to others than they are to themselves. This is because we are more socialized than men to be kind and supportive of others, often at the expense of ourselves.
The good news is that we already have the skill set. We simply need to start applying it to ourselves!
So, what does this have to do with your career success?
EVERYTHING!
If you make a list of all the things that you believe are holding you back from achieving your vision for yourself, I think you’ll find that how you talk to yourself is the most persistent issue.
Whether you label it imposter syndrome or self-limiting beliefs, I think we can all agree it gets in the way of moving forward with our careers.
So whether you’re struggling to find the courage to set some much-needed boundaries, ask for support at work or apply for a more senior role, accepting and appreciating yourself might just be what you need to kick-start your career.
There are many ways to practice self-compassion, but my favourite strategy is to talk to myself as I would to a close friend who is suffering.
Here are a few things I say to myself when I become aware of my inner critic:
We all make mistakes. It’s ok to forgive yourself.
I’m sorry you are suffering. You are not alone.
You’re a good person and you’re doing your best.
Change is stressful. I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.
Look at what you have achieved already. You should be proud of yourself.
How would things change for you if you spoke to yourself in this way every day? Here’s what I predict:
You would stop trying to fix yourself
Imagine the relief you would feel if you simply accepted yourself for who you are, warts and all. There is a ton of research that tells us when we focus on our strengths instead of trying to fix our weaknesses, we excel. When we practice self-compassion, we can stop comparing ourselves to others and instead be open to the idea that we can learn and be inspired by others because we don’t have to know it all. This is why a big part of the work I do with women is helping them reconnect with what they care about, what makes them unique and the value they bring to their organizations. So, they can see that they already have everything they need to be successful and go after what they want.
You would put yourself out there more
I have learned that the things we resist the most are very important clues to where we need to be more self-compassionate. Whether you are uncomfortable promoting yourself, setting boundaries or applying for a more senior role, you should ask yourself: why does this scare me so much? Is it a fear of not being liked? Getting rejected? If we want to grow in our careers, we have to be willing to put ourselves out there even when it feels scary and even when we could fail. When we are kind and supportive with ourselves, we get better at navigating setbacks and taking action toward our goals.
You would feel more hopeful
Imagine what would happen if you started replacing your self-criticism with self-love and nurturing. Research shows that when we practice self-compassion, we are deactivating our natural threat-defense system (our fight-flight response) and activating our internal care system. Oxytocin and endorphins are released, which helps reduce stress and increases feelings of trust, calm, generosity and connectedness. This makes us happier and more optimistic about our future – leading to higher rates of success according to an HBR study that looked at professionals from hundreds of companies and found that those in the top quartile for optimism were 40% more likely to get a promotion over the next year.
You can access various guided and written self-compassionate practices here
Or if you want to explore how coaching can help you to be more self-compassionate in 2023, book some time with me here