All I want for Christmas is inner peace

Four practices to help you reframe, rejuvenate and reset

I don’t know about you, but I am finding it hard to get into the holiday spirit this year.

With all that is going on in the world, it’s hard not to feel heartbroken for the suffering that so many people are experiencing right now.

As Marsha Lederman wrote in the Globe and Mail last weekend, “I wrapped my son’s first Hanukkah gift on Wednesday night and turned on the radio. CBC’s As It Happens was interviewing an Israeli, Shai Wenkert, whose 22-year-old son Omer has been held hostage by Hamas since Oct. 7. Immediately, the act of wrapping a light-up Frisbee felt obscene.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for so many things in my life but I have learned that we can be both grateful and still sad, angry or fearful – all at the same time. Remember COVID?!

There are so many unknowns right now – things that we seem to have little ability to impact or change.

So how do we find some hope amidst the pain and the chaos?

Make peace with what you can’t control. The holidays can be a triggering time, and especially challenging given we can’t control what other people do or how they treat us. But the good news is, we can control how we deal with it all. Like the uncle who drinks too much at our family gathering or the colleague that tries to take credit for our idea, we can accept their behaviour without condoning it or participating in it. But more importantly, we can recognize that their behavior isn’t personal; it’s more about them and their own pain and limitations than it is about us. When my son was bullied at school, we acknowledged how hard it was for him but we also encouraged him to put himself in the bully’s shoes. We asked him: what do you think is going on in that bully’s life that is making him treat people this way? It’s a powerful reframe that is available to us all.

Choose what you give your energy to. If you’re feeling drained, the holidays are a great time to rest and reset by spending time engaging in activities that bring you joy. Make a list of the things that you love to do and then commit to doing at least one thing on the list every day. Think about what gives you energy on a mental, physical and emotional level. Maybe it’s cuddling with your kids, doing a puzzle, reading romance novels, eating gingerbread cookies, going for long hikes in nature, or visiting an art gallery (one of my faves). Engaging in fun and joy increases our serotonin levels which makes us feel more emotionally stable, happier and calmer.

Send thank you notes instead of holiday cards. Gratitude is strongly related to well-being. It helps us to be more positive and hopeful. The holidays are a great time to reach out and say thank you to people who have helped you this year or in the past. Think about people who have inspired you and those you appreciate. Send a card or an email – it doesn’t matter. It’s the act of reflecting on and expressing your gratitude that will make you feel good and it has the added benefit of making those you are reaching out to feel good too!
 
Trade in your multitasking for monotasking. Are you eating or drinking a coffee while reading this? Or maybe you’re glancing at texts or Instagram? In this high-tech, high-pressure age, multitasking has become an epidemic even though research shows that it overtaxes our brain, making us distracted and adding to our stress levels. Try taking a 30-minute mindfulness break and just be with whatever you are doing whether it’s sipping your coffee, talking to your partner or even just looking out the window. And if you find your mind wandering, go back to your senses – tasting the coffee, hearing the words coming out of your partner’s mouth or seeing the way the light is hitting the trees outside. Presence is the best gift you can give yourself and those around you.

As for me, when my big, loud family shows up for Christmas dinner this year, I will be doing my best to follow the advice of Michael Singer, author of “Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself.” In it, he writes: “If life does something that causes a disturbance inside of you, instead of pulling away, let it pass through you like the wind.”

I hope you and your family have a peaceful, joy-filled holiday!